What you choose to reference reveals something deeper about yourself.

That reference the person across the table from you just made that you didn’t understand was not them trying to be “niche” or “performative” –honestly take both those words out of your vocabulary at this point– that reference was them revealing a glimpse of who they truly are. The references we decide to bring into conversations are subtle opportunities to show the world what music we listen too, the shows we rewatch on loop, who we keep up with online. the books we bothered to finish, the corners of the internet we have wandered into. They are little markers of what we consume, but more importantly, of what has managed to stay with us. In that sense, references are a kind of cultural fingerprint. Two people can dress the same, follow the same people, frequent the same places, and build nearly identical identities online, but listen to them talk for long enough and eventually the archive reveals itself. A throwaway line from a movie made thirty years ago. A lyric you assumed everyone knew. A comparison to some bizarre historical event. The reference gives you away beautifully.

And references offer these strange little verbal opportunities to complicate the person we present on the surface. Someone whose Instagram gives you absolutely nothing might casually reference Dostoevsky. That girl who never misses hot yoga and owns a red-light therapy mask might also know every line of The Sopranos. There is something incredibly human about the contradiction. Maybe this is also why we shouldn’t be embarrassed, nor mock (!!!), if a reference goes over your head. You are not supposed to understand every single one. If we all immediately understood every reference another person made, it would mean we had all consumed the exact same things. The gap is part of what makes it interesting. Ask what they mean. Let someone introduce you to the strange little thing that mattered enough to them to become part of their language. A reference is rarely just a reference. Sometimes it is the quickest way someone knows how to tell you who they are. Words by: Nina Lardi. Cover: MTV